"There aren't that many good men around. Statistics prove it, articles and books have been written to verify it, and women would be happy to testify under oath about it. And here's another one: There are more good women out there than good men. I bet you've heard or said that one before. Oh, wait, there's this one as well: A lot of men want to date much younger women, so as you get older, there are even fewer men that want to date you. ... So yes, it seems logical, reasonable, and down right savvy for all the fantastic , smart, healthy, funny, kind women out there to start thinking about lowering their expectations. ... I hate being single. ... I hate people asking me why I'm still single. ... There are many shades of Mr. Wrong. And there guys that we're talking about? They're not just assholes. They can be nice sometimes, too. And there are many days when I personally think it's better to be with someone who your friends might hate but will help you carry the groceries, than be alone."
Wow. I don't know where to begin with this one.
I have slowly been making my way through the many chapters of "He's just not that into you." I left it at work and only read it when there was down time. Plus, as right on the money as I think it is, the book can get a little depressing from time to time so I can only handle it in small doses. But I pressed on in the name of research.
I still think there is a great book somewhere surrounding the idea that women set themselves up to be disappointed by guys, guys have given up trying to impress us and, at the end of the day, we are just horrible to each other. But the above comment by one of the co-authors, Liz Tuccillo, really left me confused.
Throughout the book, Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt try to point out all the examples of when guys are saying one thing but showing they really just aren't that into the girl they are dating. Tuccillo vents about the frustration of being single and Greg tries to pump her — and every other single woman in America — by reminding her she is too good to settle for that schmuck and that a love worthy of her is still out there. Most of the time, she reluctantly believes him and his advice makes some amount of sense. But the chapter on staying away from creeps, abusers and assholes really threw me for a loop.
Tuccillo threw her hands up, did the math to determine there aren't enough worthy guys in the word for all these "fabulous" single women and admitted that in most cases she would rather settle than be alone. Doesn't that completely negate the book? Doesn't that spit in the face of all of Behrendt's advice and cheer leading? And where does her break in confidence leave the lonely, hurt and semi-desperate?
She can't really be promoting settling for a lackluster, or even crappy relationship just so she can have someone to kiss under the mistle toe, can she? If that is the case, it only adds to the notion I adopted that relationships are a contact sport and everybody better bring their protective gear. If we are doomed — based on the math — to end up in a dysfunctional relationship then it will only perpetuate the cycle of hurting each other, growing resentful of the opposite sex, losing what little ability to trust we really have and passing all burden of sub-par happiness on to the next generation.
While I whole-heartedly believe these things about relationships, it worries me when other people voice a similar — if not darker — opinion. The idea that there are other people out there that think like I do is just damn scary, not to mention sad. I know my beliefs come from a dysfunctional family and jacked-up relationships, but I'd hate to think the rest of the world is just as broken as I am.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I am the most jaded or betrayed person in the world and that everyone else has to be sunshine personified 24/7, but I'd like to believe more people don't think like me than do. It makes getting through the day a tad bit easier. Otherwise, what is the world fighting for? I know my inner-Eeyore can come to the surface from time to time, but what is the rest of the world's excuse? While I am perfectly fine — at least for now — wearing my chips and cracks as a source of pride, I might need to find some super glue to put the rest of the world back together.
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