Sometimes being a big kid sucks

I never knew I could feel so guilty about doing the right thing.

I know I'm right. My family said I'm right. My friends and my co-workers said I'm right. Then why do I have even one ounce of guilt?


Without naming names or giving up too many specifics, let's just say I was thrown into a situation at my apartment that A. made me incredibly uncomfortable 2. was way more than any roommate should have to ever deal with and C. crossed the line of what is and isn't appropriate/fun/joking behavior between a guy and his girlfriend's roommate.

Needless to say, I started looking for a new bungalow the very next day. In less than a week after the "incident," I signed the papers and got the keys to my own safe haven. No roommates required.

I know moving out is the right thing to do. I don't think I am asking too much to feel safe and relaxed in the home I am paying to sleep in every night. But I can't help feeling a touch of guilt that I am leaving my roommate so abruptly.

She says she understands why I am packing up and shipping out -- she said she would do the same thing if she was in my shoes. Maybe the guilt has something to do with the fact that I feel like I'm sneaking out. My roommate and the boyfriend are out of town and might not be back by the time I drop my key off on the kitchen counter. It makes me feel like I'm trying to not get caught, like I'm doing something shady.

I thought I'd prefer to be alone during the packing process, but it just feels weird and I can't shake it.

I know the series of events that happened was not my fault. I know I did the right thing when I kicked and pushed and left the room. I know I did the right thing when very loudly voiced my dislike for what was going on. I never asked to be in that situation in the first place.

But knowing it and feeling it, apparently, are two different things. This is one of those times when acting like an adult sucks monkey balls.